Please keep in mind that drunk driving laws apply to bicycles as well! Drink responsibly.

The origional T-shirts remain $20.00 as I nearly died making them and I still hold a grudge. Think of it this way, if you can wear it and it’s white, is $15. If it’s black, it’s $20.00. Am I being racist? Who’s to say. Not me. That’s where the inspiration for the new T-shirts came from in the first place.

There are also yoga mat bags for sale. They’re super nice canvas bags that have our logo and read “Namafuckingste Already,” but they came out kinda shitty (in that you have to know what’s printed on it in order to make it out) so they’re only $10.00.

All in all, I can’t guarantee “quality” or that they were “inspected” by anyone other than my dog (you can thank Henri for the hairs), but I can guarantee that I was drinking while I made them…sometimes heavily!

Our new happy hour specials are as crazy as a little girl with a bird on her head!

From 5-7, ALL drafts except Guinness are only $3.00 and well drinks and Guinness are only $4.00!!!! WTF?!?!?!?

Secondly, I’m thrilled to announce that we’re now serving Downeast Original Blend Cider!!! I’ve been looking for a cider to put on tap for quite a while. After an exhaustive search, I hit the trifecta…it’s local, it’s brewed by nerds, and it’s the best cider I’ve ever had! Do yourself a favor and give this one a go.

Thirdly, the new T-shirts and hoodies are almost done!!! Look for them soon!

And finally, we’re going to be offering new happy hours specials VERY soon (as soon as Sully finishes the posters)!!! I can guarantee you are going to fill your pants with urine when you hear about the new deals!!!!

I thought it went without saying…but I’ll say it again…we do things a little differently at The Snug. At the end of the day the Snug’s bartender will always be right. This is an incredibly unorthodox approach to customer service and if you can’t handle it, I’m sure you’ll find a nice little corporate, ass-kissy bar in which to drown your sensitive  sorrows.

One of the very first things I learned about the bar business is that I don’t ever want to bartend. It’s an incredibly difficult job. Insanely difficult…to the point that I don’t know why anyone would do it. People like Michelle make it look easy and fun, but the complexities of what’s really going on are beyond staggering. If you believe nothing else you read here today, believe this…IT’S NOT EASY. For one to be a good bartender, even a lifeless bartender, is hard. To be dazzlingly entertaining at the same time is sublime!

Newsflash, no one is funny to all of the people all of the time. Sometimes jokes fail. But, here’s another thing that goes without saying; love ‘em or hate ‘em, my bartenders are good people; truly decent human beings (okay, we’ll leave Sully out of this thread for the time being*). They have no prejudices against anyone except, perhaps, people that are actually prejudiced. Their personalities might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I’m certainly not going to have them change. I chose them for very specific reasons and I can assure you, a proven track record in customer service was not even remotely on my must-have list. I look for qualities such as senses of humor, efficiency, and tolerance (again, Sully is exempt from this particular conversation**) just to name a few.

The success of The Snug is 5% decor/location/drinks and 95% personality. I give the bartenders a very wide berth when it comes to making the personality of The Snug their own on the nights they work. Enjoy them for who they are, or shove off. We will NEVER apologize for being jocularly offensive…even if you don’t get the joke.

* If you’re an uptight, whiny, sensitive, oblivious little fuck, I’m employing humor right now.
** Still employing humor.

This rant begins with the mother of a minor accusing me of being “hostile” and “insane.” While I thoroughly enjoy talking to psychologists and counselors, each time I try to become a patient, I’m given a clean bill of mental health and fired fairly quickly as a patient for being “normal.” Therefore, while I’m perfectly willing to take on the label of “insane,” to date, I have flunked the test. That leaves us with “hostile.”

When a minor tries to drink in my bar, you bet your sweet fucking ass I’m going to get “hostile.” Any other reaction would be…wait for it…INSANE!

So, without further ado, this is what MommyFuckNuts said to me…”I’m sorry my daughter came to your bar but what you’re doing is illegal!” Really? You’re tear-ass because I used a public forum to learn the identity of your kid. Why? Because she was embarrassed about being called out? Seriously, this is your concern? What about your daughter and her fucky little friend attempting to put me out of business? Doesn’t that seem just a smidge more serious? I COULD LOSE MY FUCKING BUSINESS, YOU STUPID FUCKING TWAT! My bartender could be fined, lose her job, lose her ability to work as a bartender anywhere for at least a year and perhaps permanently.  I’m not sure how much you think I earn as a bar owner, but I can assure you, it’s a whole lot less than that.  If a minor was caught in my bar, even if her ID was flawless, all of the afore mentioned shit could happen, but even if it doesn’t…even if I manage to get a pass because her ID would have fooled the best, that still leaves me with a hefty liquor liability insurance hike that will undoubtably guarantee a very long time before I start running my business in the black again.

It was this mother’s stunning lack of brain function that actually made me start to feel sorry for her kid. Sure, the kid fucked up. She should have immediately apologized, cut up her sweet fake ID and it would have been over. But no. She hid behind adults to fix her shit. At least the fucky little friend had the nuts to call himself, but did he apologize? Hell no.  He threw a hissy and like MommyFuckNuts, accused ME of being the bad guy. Seriously? You’re grifters. YOU’RE the fucking criminal NOT the victim.

The bar business is the only business I can think of where I, as the victim of a con, am held culpable for the criminal’s actions. Kids go to heroic lengths to get perfect fake IDs, yet because a bar falls victim to THEIR crime, the bar has everything to lose and the true criminal gets a stern finger wagging. That’s fair [insert eye-roll].

So, MommyFuckNuts, you’re right. I AM insane. Insane to own a business where I, not you, am responsible to clean up your fucking mess. But the least you could do is thank me instead of blaming me. Thank me for parenting your kid where you failed.

If I had gotten caught being served when I was a minor, my mother would have snatched me bald…snatched me the mother-fuck bald!! She would not have yelled at the bar. She would have marched me down there and made me act like the adult I was pretending to be. She would have made me apologize and promise never to darken their doorstep again. I know this to be true, because it happened.

It has been suggested that I went too far when I heard tell of these two fake IDs cavorting about town, but wouldn’t things be a whole lot simpler if EVERYONE did what I did? Don’t you think far fewer minors would be trying to drink before they were eligible if they were made painfully aware of the ramifications of their actions? To everyone who says, “that’s not how I would have handled it” I say, you’re part of the problem, not me.

In the meantime…Joe Ricchio has valiantly stepped up to pinch-hit in our time of need! Fresh off the heels of his wildly successful new television series; Food Coma TV, Joe will undoubtedly prance about The Snug like a rooster in heat…if roosters went into heat…which they don’t…but you get my drift. In between strutting and autograph signings, I’m absolutely sure he’ll make you a cocktail that will sooth and delight!

Remember when I said we’d be open? Well that’s not going to happen. The bartender has come down with a terrible case of Maple Syrup Urine Disease! It awful…yet delicious sounding! So, long story short..relax, be hungover, enjoy a football game or parade, eat some pancakes and we’ll see you on Monday all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed!

Don’t fret…as a special holiday surprise, we’ll be OPEN NEW YEAR’S DAY!!!